Canine Bookshelf by Charlotte Bennie

research has now proved that the most intelligent breeds of dogs are at least as bright as a three year old human. Not only that, this research has identified and categorised breeds into order of intelligence. I’ve no wish to incur the wrath of the owners of specific breeds so I’m not giving the complete list. Anyway, they say dogs come to resemble their owners and I don’t know whether this was factored into the research.

Now, by the time I was three, I could read; don’t know about writing, but reading had already become a favourite pastime. If I was able to master this skill when only three, what about the higher echelons of the canine world? Especially nowadays, what with such techno whizzes as screen readers, spell checkers etc?

In my mind’s eye, I can visualise the book shelves; just groaning under the weight of volumes. Agricultural treatises on the care of black face yowes; guides to rambling over the Galloway Hills and yomping along the Southern Upland way, scribed by Border Collies. Some gory thrillers by a German Shepherd interspersed with academic pieces on the development of modern police dramas on british television. Poodles, most certainly, will write fashion columns and chicklit best sellers. And Labradors and Retrievers? Oh, their speciality would be cuisine. How to make the best use of left overs; all of them, including fag ends squashed into the pavements and unspeakable things found in the patches of nettles up in the wood. And, perhaps, the odd political memoir?

I could continue but these are the breeds which, according to the research, are the true Top Dogs. canine interest might be much less anthropomorphic but I certainly hope that, even now, a committee of Guide Dogs is working on a selection of guide books for major British towns. Available on line, of course, on a web site designed to be screen reader accessible!Or even as a wee App for a smart phone?

Perhaps somewhere on the web, there is even a canine blogger where a particularly techno savvy Guide Dog reveals all regarding his owner’s foibles and eccentricities.

And would I want to read it? No, there are many occasions where ignorance is bliss!

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